The New Column

I know there will probably be no one left to read this, but it has to be written anyway. The Chemestry Desk Column is being relocated to chemistrydesk.blogspot.com. I have done this to start my blog anew. More details will be there, when I finally get around to making it.

Star Wars: Episode III - Review

It's not what this site is for, but what the hell, I'll give my review anyway. I'll even try to make it spoiler-free, just for you guys out there who haven't seen it yet. All both of you. Understand, of course, that Anikin becoming Darth Vader is not much of a spoiler, and if this is the first you've heard of it, I just saved you potential embarrassment from asking about it.

First, I want to make one thing clear: George Lucas is a great director and a great producer. He can't write for shit, and that's not said lightly. The dialogue couldn't have been more pedestrian if it walked across the street. When I need to reference Tycho Brahe to insult someone else's writing, you know it has to be bad.

When I first saw the incredibly dry scrolling introduction in the beginning of the movie, I was terrified that it would set the tone for a sub-standard movie. Then, after three paragraphs of rather base writing, I was thrust headfirst into the coolest space battle of the new trilogy. Galactic war hasn't looked this good since Halo 2. I'm not going to give a lot away, but I absolutely love the new (well, old) X-wing fighter. You'll know what I'm talking about when you hear the immortal Starwars line (no, not "Luke, I am your father") but "Lock S-foils in attack position" and prepare to spaz out like a fanboi/girl.

disappointingly, we don't get to see much in the way of Anikin being converted slowly to the dark side, so when he finally swears fealty to the "Emperor," the audience is left in a perpetual state of "Wtf?"

While I'm thinking about it, something important needs to be said: Yoda is bitchin'. That just needed to be said.

The final scenes of the movie are directed wonderfully, with probably the best movie analogy ever (Luke and Lea's birth / Darth Vader's rebirth), only to be ruined by the worst voiceover acting I have ever seen. I did a better job doing voiceover acting on my Spanish film project, and it was about proper etiquette concerning radioactive space monkeys, for Pete's sake.

The very end of the movie redeems itself, as you see a brilliant transition stage from the second trilogy to the first, which helped tie everything up very nicely. If there was a special screening showing all 6 episodes at a theater in order (and it will be done, I assure you), those who spend their whole day living out the entire saga won't be disappointed, especially considering that their last impressions will stick with them the most. What I mean by that is, in terms of ranking the movies from better to worst, just count backwards, as shown below:

Episode 6 > 5 > 4 > 3 > 2 > 1

In conclusion, see the frickn' movie. Don't listen to what I said, just see it. You're going to anyway, and by now you may have missed the rush. Until then, I must end in an overused nerd-ified postscript in order to give legitimacy to the above article as a real Star Wars review:

May the Force be with you.

Weak News

The whole Newsweek scandal thing confuses me. As is usually prominent with media spin, I find myself in the middle of an issue which should be simple, but gets blown out of proportion. What I fail to see, when observing the opposing argument slandering the magazine, is a complete lack of reasoning or justification.

Now, the general story is that an article published in Newsweek victimized the inmates of the Guantanamo Bay Prison in Cuba, and demonizes the interrogators who have been abusing them by "flushing copies of the Koran down the toilet," and other similar atrocities against the religion they hold. This reminds me vaguely of the Japanese in the 14th Century forcing Christians to stomp on effigies of Christ called fumies. Or even the Romans forcing Christians to openly reject Christ or be killed. I could even go so far as to mention the Holocaust. But of course, it's not the same thing, because Islam is evil, and all good Americans are Christians. Hey guys, Jack Chick just called, he wants his religious intolerance back.

After you're done getting off the phone, maybe you can answer why Newsweek is suddenly the only one to publish this story. I mean, it's only been in circulation since March... 2003. And maybe the Pentagon and White House shouldn't be blatantly calling the story a lie, either, especially when they got it right. Now, despite being cleared of any possible infractions of their journalistic integrity, Newsweek still finds it's tail between it's legs, saying sorry to King George and groveling at his feet, "we'll never do it again, we promise."

Newsweek's martyrdom came from a stab in the back. Taking advantage of a mistake made in a small detail in order to discredit the entire article is cowardly and fundamentally flawed. Just because I can find a few small flaws in Democracy doesn't mean that it's not a good system of government. However, with almost no evidence to support the contrary, we know now, if not before, that those in Guantanamo Bay are being mistreated, and we don't even know if many of them are meant to be in there.

APDA - The Walkaway

Inspiration comes from weird places. I felt it necessary to honor a certain escaped/recaptured convict today in my home state who was on the work-release program, and then create a whole award just for people who do cool stuff like this.

You see these guys every other day, probably, working hard to clean up the median strip, repay their debt to society, and hopefully get a shorter sentence. Today's award goes to one such young man whose name has yet to be disclosed, whose stylishly illegal actions caused lockdowns, unnecessary commotion, and enjoyable (but not harmful) classroom disruption from the daily grind. Here's how it went about:

Despite the looming threat of shotgun-toting wardens literally gunshot away, our suave hero in his smashing orange jacket, delightfully tacky prison jumpsuit, and properly accessorized with a bag full of trash and a long pokey stick, decided in an admirably communist way that he was sick of working, and decided to walk away from the group. Yeah. He just got up and left. How about that? Sure, who's going to notice some wanker walking down Route 15 with a bag full of beer cans and my left sneaker? He's walking, right? Not running, that' too suspicious. For figuring out and acting upon this deceptively true fact, the Unnamed Walkaway Prisoner for the first ever Awesome Person of the Day Award... Ever. Hats off to you, UWP. Congratulations.

Edit: His name is Michael Ford, 18, and arrested on drug-related charges, serving a 2 year sentance.

Another Chan Chandler

Something told me I could expect another incident like that of Chan Chandler's little stunt would be coming soon after, but I didn't think this soon. And I sure as hell didn't expect it from the Catholic Church. Under new management, indeed. I always sorta hated it when I saw those signs over my favorite businesses.

The Rev. Michael Sklucazek denied the Holy Sacrament of Communion to members of the Rainbow Sash Alliance, a group of Catholics supporting gay rights. He allowed the rainbow-sash clad silent protestors to have a blessing, but could not receive the bread and wine. While everyone else who had received communion had knelt down in the pews to pray (my favorite part of mass, actually), those in the rainbow sashes kept standing up with their hands cupped, a sign that they still wanted Communion. I wasn't there, but that is some earth shattering symbolism, and would have been a very powerful physical message indeed.

This wouldn't be the first time, apparently last year in St. Paul's cathedral, a few conservative groups blocked the isles so the Rainbow Sash wearers wouldn't receive communion. (If anyone knows of a cool flash game involving trampling over conservatives blocking abortion clinics or church isles, send me an email with a link, thanks.)

Now, last weekend my little sister just got Confirmed, and the weekend before last my little brother had his First Holy Communion. This isn't the kind of teaching I was raised with as a Catholic, and I wonder where it all changed? Since when did Jesus say at the last supper, "The least among you will be first, except for those gays, they aren't even allowed at the table." Lunacy. No, I'll do you one better, HERESY. These people are Catholics who have received their First Holy Communion and earned that right, and unless he cares to excommunicate them right then and there, he has to give them Communion if they ask for it.

It seems to me the aim is to go against church teachings in order to spiritually hurt those that go against church teachings. Except this is not solidly arguable, as we are all sinners. Couldn't this logic be used to deny Communion to say... liars? What if liars couldn't receive the Sacrament? There will be a very short line to receive the Body and the Blood, in that case.

Come on, we're all taught at an early age that two wrongs don't make a right. Three lefts make a right. Right? Right... Either way you right, I mean, write it, the implications are grimly amusing.

First, God says "Vote for Bush." Then, God says "Gays can't eat me." What's next? Product endorsement? God® says: "Nike©: Just Do It™"

It's just the Democrats, no one else.

Several names come to mind when I think of "Conservative Media Bias." But right up until now, one of them hasn't been The Wall Street Journal. Apparently, their articles on criticisim against Tom Delay noted a few groups with strong Democratic Party ties, but failed to recognize two watchdog groups that were just as prominent, but with strong ties to the Rupublican Party.

No matter how the media spins it, it's not exactly breaking news that Republicans have been jumping ship on the SS. Hammer. It's only a matter of time before we get to put Tom Delay on the waiting list for the Retirement Home of Shamed Republican House Speakers.

"Gas-out" day

I know, it sucks to be the bearer of bad news, but the May 19th "Gas-out" day won't work. Wait, what do you mean you didn't hear about it? Well, neither did I. That's only half the problem. Seriously, if the first I heard of it was on a Bungie.net forum, this can't be good.

There was this email spreaded and forewarded around the internet, telling people to not buy gas next Thursday. Here it is, for those who love to read all CAPS-LOCK:

IT HAS BEEN CALCULATED THAT IF EVERYONE IN THE UNITED STATES DID NOT PURCHASE A DROP OF GASOLINE FOR ONE DAY AND ALL AT THE SAME TIME, THE OIL COMPANIES WOULD CHOKE ON THEIR STOCKPILES.

AT THE SAME TIME IT WOULD HIT THE ENTIRE INDUSTRY WITH A NET LOSS OF OVER 4.6 BILLION DOLLARS WHICH AFFECTS THE BOTTOM LINES OF THE OIL COMPANIES.

THEREFORE MAY 19TH HAS BEEN FORMALLY DECLARED "STICK IT UP THEIR BEHINDS DAY" AND THE PEOPLE OF THIS NATION SHOULD NOT BUY A SINGLE DROP OF GASOLINE THAT DAY.

THE ONLY WAY THIS CAN BE DONE IS IF YOU FORWARD THIS E-MAIL
TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN AND AS QUICKLY AS YOU CAN TO GET THE WORD OUT.

WAITING ON THIS ADMIINSTRATION TO STEP IN AND CONTROL THE PRICES IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE REDUCTION AND CONTROL IN PRICES THAT THE ARAB NATIONS PROMISED TWO WEEKS AGO?

REMEMBER ONE THING, NOT ONLY IS THE PRICE OF GASOLINE GOING UP BUT AT THE SAME TIME AIRLINES ARE FORCED TO RAISE THEIR PRICES, TRUCKING COMPANIES ARE FORCED TO RAISE THEIR PRICES WHICH EFFECTS PRICES ON EVERYTHING THAT IS SHIPPED. THINGS LIKE FOOD, CLOTHING, BUILDING MATERIALS, MEDICAL SUPPLIES ETC. WHO PAYS IN THE END? WE DO!

WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE. IF THEY DON'T GET THE MESSAGE AFTER ONE DAY, WE WILL DO IT AGAIN AND AGAIN.

SO DO YOUR PART AND SPREAD THE WORD. FORWARD THIS EMAIL TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW. MARK YOUR CALENDARS AND MAKE MAY 19TH A DAY THAT THE CITIZENS OF THE UNITED STATES SAY "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH"

Well, uh, yeah. Sorta sucks that this didn't work before. Seems like the same guy is behind it, and the same guy still hasn't gotten the point that eventually we have to refuel. If this were a real boycott, we wouldn't be driving anymore, showing the oil tychoons that we can do without their product. Not to be a talking head, but the urban legend sites are right, alternate day driving would be a better solution. Here's my take:

If something like this was planned months in advance, with promotions like bumper stickers ("You'll only see this car on the road Mon/Wed/Fri/Sun. www.ban-oil.com" or something), and those rubber wristband things that people often stop you on the street and wonder "what's this one for?" Everyone knows Yellow is the Lance Armstrong cancer cure one, but they get curious about the rest of the bag of skittles-colored wristbands. Money can eventually be raised for television adds, and inevitable mainstream media attention and additional publicity will help it hit the big-time.

Bottom Line: It's not going to work, and the only people who will suffer is the gas station managers. We'll have to fill up anyway, which means, one way or another, the oily fat cats get their money. Worst comes to worst for them, they can still fall back on Bush's plan to murderize social security, so they can keep their tax cuts.

Legendary for Dummies

Halo.Bungie.org just released an awesome Halo 2 Legendary Walkthrough, which, coming from a guy who beat the game on Legendary, and thought he knew everything there was to know about it, is still learning something from this guide. To show you, here's some things I learned:

1) I'm a chimp who did everything the hard way.

2) Plasma Pistols are as versatile as Duct Tape.

3) Remember that big, bitchin' battle at the end of High Charity?
You can get by that without
fireing a shot. [Spoiler Alert]

4) then some.

I highly reccomend this guide for anyone. I mean anyone. I don't care if you beat it on Legendary or not, read this fucking guide. Now-ish. You won't be sorry. Unless you don't have Halo 2, in which case it's a waste of your time. That's really your only excuse. Read it anyway, though, cool viedos.

Kinda ominous

Guess who said this quote:

"Should any political party attempt to abolish social security, unemployment
insurance, and eliminate labor laws and farm programs, you would not hear of
that party again in our political history. There is a tiny splinter group, of
course, that believes you can do these things. Among them are [a] few other
Texas oil millionaires, and an occasional politician or business man from other
areas. Their number is negligible and they are stupid."

Give up? - Highlight between the lines:
//President Dwight D. Eisenhower, 11/8/54 \Looks like someone saw it coming.

A lighter note...book.

In Mr. 5******'s US History class today, I had the pleasure of reading my log of extrodinarily funny events of the class, kept since the beginning of the year (9/4/04). Since the Seniors in our school are leaving today, I thought I owed it to them to read it outloud for them.

It is aptly titled, "My List of Stupid Stuff in Mr. 5******'s U.S. History Class." I took up the entire 50-minute-ish class period, and only got from September into mid-April. Hilarity ensued. I will be selling print copies at the end of the year for the low price of $5, in order to compensate for my efforts. It's not a lot, considering it will be a much more excellent companion for the yearbook, in which if one ever comes across an old familiar face from that class, they could refrence the name in their copy of my log.

Interested parties can contact me at my email address: Knives4242@yahoo.com

My Eulogy

1st Platoon, Lima Company, 3rd battalion, 25th Regiment, USMC.
Rest in Peace.

They were ambushed, fought for hours against insurgents who easily crept into Iraq because of no border patrol, and lost many of their men trying to retrieve a fallen comrade inside some godforsaken house. After all that, on their way back from the battle in an Amtrak, they were hit by a roadside bomb, killing the rest. Lima Company is no more.

I did not know these guys, but they must have been hardcore warriors, and this nation, as well as Iraq, is in their debt. I guess that's not much of a eulogy, but really, words can't describe these guys. They try, though.

What kills me is, their families may not have social security if Bush gets his way, so widowed mothers will have to go to work, leaving their children at home, or in the care of others. Mothers have lost their sons, wives have lost their husbands, families are and will be split up. It shouldn't be this way.

Maybe because my Grandfather fought in WWII in the Marines, but for some reason the death of a Marine always comes harshest to me. All the servicemen and women out there are just almost... so distant to me. I can't identify with that kind of courage, even though I think of myself as a pretty brave person.

The best way I know how to thank them is to make sure this country isn't ripped from the inside out by the time they get back home. That's what I fight for.

Jesus - 1 ||||| Pharisees - 0

As a political cartoon in yesterday's Washington Post said, "The little known 11th commandment, [shows George W. Bush] 'Thou shalt have no other cannidates before me." [paraphrased] the religous right seems intent on driving home the steriotype of Democrats being godless heithans and Republicans being good 'Christians.'

To this end, the 'Reverend' Chan Chandler decided to kick out anyone in his church who voted for John Kerry and did not repent. Three of them were fellow Baptist Deacons. 40 others left the church in protest, and a few of the rest applauded. I turn back now to the shortest verse in the Bible,

"Jesus wept." John, 11:35

That one verse says so much in so very few words. I ask that you forgive the following sermon, but being a Catholic and all, it's important for me to express this. Jesus, in his humanity, feels for every one of us unconditionally, and asks us all in the great commandment to "love your neighbor as yourself," and it's shocking to think that someone who is supposed to teach others about God is rejecting this commandment, using the authority of his position as a priest to do so.

It's sad to see Christianity degraded to such a level of, well, simply, non-Christianity. One must understand that there is a big difference between real Christians and nutjobs like these. Real Christian Churches would never even think of judging one's faith by socia-political issues rather than their relationship with God. I find behavior spreading among Evangelicals like this disturbing, as it represents a growing population of, in blunt terms, Christian posers.

One of the immortal quotes from Dante's The Inferno is, "The road to Hell is paved with the skulls of priests." and this is exactly what he was talking about. When its my turn to take a stroll through the fire and brimstone, I'll be sure to stop and take a moment to whiz on Mr. Chandler's head.

On the bright side, though, the predictable outrage from everyone who covets some form of organized religon and has an IQ of at least 100 has pressured Rev. Chandler to resign. Just goes to show you, Jesus wins, every time.